My First Kiss
And how to disappoint everyone you know
In April of 2006, we had our Spring Banquet at school, which was the sheltered Baptist school version of prom.
There were no differences really, except the girls had modesty checks for their dresses, there was no touching anyone of the opposite gender, there was absolutely no dancing, and there was an actual service with prayer, music, and preaching.
Okay, I guess there were some differences.
Well anyway, on the way back to school campus from Anaheim (about a two hour drive), I had my first kiss with my ninth grade girlfriend in the front of the bus. That’s right. Not even the back of the bus.
To be fair, it was almost midnight, and our thighs were touching. For a sheltered 14 year old boy, you can imagine how hormone-full I was. Although—I wish you wouldn’t. 😝
For some additional context, about a year before, I had taken a “purity pledge,” which was where the youth in our church would literally sign a 4x6 index card with a pledge that said we would not have sex until we got married.
Oh— and that was before we even got the sex talk. So when I kissed my girlfriend at 14 on a church bus, there were a few people in my life who were disappointed in me…including myself.
And a couple of those people were classmates of mine who felt they needed to tell the principal of the school on me. Naturally because I wanted to squelch the feelings of guilt, I offered to break up with my girlfriend and in return, the school gave me a couple of detentions.
They didn’t give my girlfriend any detentions even though she was the one that kissed me first because it was obviously my fault…? 🙄
Why am I telling you all of this? I hated the feeling of disappointing my parents, my youth pastors, and the other authority figures in my life.
So the next few years of my life was lived trying to make sure that people wouldn’t be disappointed anymore.
Fast forward to college graduation. I graduated with a double major in Bible and Church Ministries, and I figured out I didn’t want to be in ministry. It took me a couple of years to come to the final decision because I knew I would be disappointing so many people again.
And now, I’m 30.
I drink, I smoke cigars (and sometimes other things), I party with friends, I haven’t gone to church for almost 5 years, and I often say “fuck.” 🤭
I also have two beautiful kids, a badass wife, a seven figure marketing agency, a funded software startup, and a popular podcast.
Needless to say, I’ve gotten used to disappointing a lot of people in my life, and a lot of those people haven’t talked to me in years, many of them talk shit about me and my wife, and others just pity me because they think I’m wasting my potential.
Ultimately I came to the realization that only one person looks in the mirror and sees my ugly mug staring back—me.
I’m the only person that lives with me 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, and ultimately it’s up to me to be happy or disappointed with how I choose to live, not anyone else.
Assuming you’re not doing things that are bringing harm to others, the main person you should worry about disappointing is YOU.
That doesn’t mean you have an excuse to just be selfish and narcissistic. It does mean that you should be conscious of who is steering the direction of your life the most.
If someone else is disappointed in you because you are choosing to live life on your terms, and it conflicts with their perception of how you should live, it’s their problem to fix. Not yours.
Read that last paragraph again ⬆️
I know, I know, this isn’t a Christmas post, but I do hope this lessons helps some of you as much as it helped me. And if it did, share this newsletter with someone you think it might help.
I sure wish someone shared this message with me a little bit sooner.
Merry Christmas friends!